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Good Morning from Maine! #Gratitude to all!
Today's Best You Daily Inspiration and Journal Prompt is about handing disappointment.
Best You Daily will help guide you and your lifestyle to be the very best they can be. Following a few of my thoughts you'll find a journal prompt closer to the end of this blog. I hope you'll follow with me, as each day, I intend to give us all something to think about and/or write about through Best You Daily. We’re here to talk about your best life in 2017 and beyond. We’re here to learn to make some lasting changes in our lives.
Everywhere you go and in everything you do there are fundamentals. These are the basic building blocks of success. Without solid fundamentals in whatever you are trying to achieve, you will have holes or learning gaps and opportunities presented to you, hopefully, to seal up your fundamentals.
One fundamental is dealing with disappointment. There are ways to conduct yourself that can make you more mature, graceful, professional, less reactionary and more. This blog asks you a lot of questions. The reason for that is you get to decide and soul-search what level of control you place on yourself and how you respond in certain situations.
I write below about student-athlete, athlete and parent conduct because it is one of the areas where I get asked the most questions. When I get asked questions, I start asking them. Most often, I help folks see less of what happened in the moment and more of how it applies to a bigger picture keeping in mind that moment of response is defining.
You can focus on how skilled someone is and how great of grades they get and on and on and on..... but one wrong moment of behavior can sour all the greatness there is. Conduct and character issues are hard to correct unless addressed as a fundamental.
What disappoints you the most?
Is your best ever you being demonstrated by your behavior and actions?
How do you handle a disappointment?
How do those around you handle it?
If you have children, what is the example you've set when faced with a disappointment?
What have you taught them?
How are they behaving when faced with a disappointing moment?
Let's focus on sports with athletes and parents of all ages. Keep in mind, the information below can translate to just about any upsetting situation or disappointment or general behavior. It also means anything from a bad grade, to striking out, to an upset in a tournament, to a missed goal, to not getting hired and with any sport or situation, child of any age, parent, coach, grandparent or friend or anyone present. Please also feel free to add your comments because this is a huge topic.
There are many opportunities for teachable moments, for both athletes and parents, when you lose or experience disappointment or in the moments before and after games, tests, interviews or other situations. In sports, in the moments before or directly after a loss or disappointment, look at yourself and others around you and become aware of the behavior around you. Pay attention. What is the energy like?
In my many years as a parent of four boys, who are now 16, 18, 20 and 22, I think we've played just about every sport at one point or another and are still playing new ones. Our family has all been witness to a lot of various behaviors and had some of our own to keep in check. My kids have been cut from teams, not made all-stars, won championships, been the star playing, been the one striking out and on and on. We now have one son playing baseball in college.
Personally in my lifetime, I've not been chosen for things, not voted as the winner, not made a sports team and so forth also.
A few months ago, I was at a game where I saw a child fighting with the umpire. Then I saw another toss his bat and get a warning. At another game later that night, I saw a team lose and complain and cry about the umpire. This isn't the first time I've seen or heard this and I'm sure it's not your first time or last time either. I've seen parents removed from the sidelines. I've seen parents screaming at their kid or other people's kids.
BEST YOU DAILY JOURNAL PROMPT:
To begin, grab your notebook or your journal. Ask yourself these questions and write down what comes to your mind. Answer however many questions you wish to answer and apply them to any situation that comes to mind for you. It definitely doesn't have to be sports.
Whether a sports event, a concert, a report card, something you haven't been selected for or voted to win or whatever applies, think about this:
How is everyone behaving?
Is your energy positive or negative?
Is the energy of the situation positive or negative?
The Cringe Factor: Are you cringing with someone's terrible behavior?
How are you behaving?
Are you too serious for the situation at hand?
Are children, tweens or teens crying or throwing things?
Are you aware?
Have you thrown or tossed a bat, helmet, ball or anything used in playing the game?
Are you fighting or back-talked a referee or umpire?
Have you been thrown out of the game for conduct?
Do you blame others?
Are you accusing others of cheating or playing dirty or the referee or umpire of being unfair or making bad calls?
Are you telling other parents that kids suck?
Are you being sarcastic?
Are you withdrawn from the event?
Are you more upset than the kids that played?
Are you out of control or swearing?
Have you been a complete and total obnoxious fan in the stands?
Are you complaining to others around you about the coach, team or outcome?
Is your coach practicing good sportsmanship? (sportswomanship :)
Are you practicing good sportsmanship? (sportswomanship :)
Do you get mad?
Do you have an attitude?
Are you as a group of parents getting along?
Do the kids on the team get along?
Are siblings fighting?
Do you think about what you could have done differently?
Do the moments replay in your head over and over?
Do you go for ice cream and pizza and bury the feelings?
Are you thinking you could have coached it all better and won?
If you are coaching and it's your turn to say something and you've lost the game, do you come off as a sore loser?
-OR-
Do you express gratitude?
Have you tried your best and realize that?
What does your heart say?
Have you taught your children to not throw things, cry, and/or fight with referees/umpires?
Have you help your children follow their heart?
Do you have composure, elegance, grace and style?Are you under control of yourself and your emotions?
Are you clapping for the team that won?
Have you thought about if your child really wants to be there or if you are pushing them to be there and living in your past rather than their present?
Did you put forth your best effort?
Did your team?
Do you thank everyone for coaching and being there?
Do you thank your team?
Do you step back and just be appreciative for the opportunity?
Are you cheering appropriately?
Do you work harder?
Do you think about how you could improve?
Do you thank your lucky stars you were there participating?
Do you see the blessings?
Do you see all of the positive things that happened?
Are you showing compassion to the kids?
Howabout the last out or the kids who might be blaming themselves due to errors?
Are you supportive?
Do you suggest taking the team out for a fun activity just for distraction and fun?
Are you remembering the kids are just kids?
If you are coaching or a team member and you have lost, do you take a moment to say something positive about the other team sincerely and from your heart?
Do you take a moment to thank all of the parents and family that perhaps spent hundreds or thousands of dollars to attend and bring their child to the event?
It might be some combination or all of the above to get you through :) But to get through it think about this:
Do your kids give up?
Do you give up?
Do you try harder next time?
Do you practice a little more?
Do you maintain your positive, peaceful self?
Do you teach this to your children?
Do you become more aware?
How do you help yourself and others be their very best?
Do you accept responsibility?
What are you saying to your children and what are they saying to you?
What do you do if someone's behavior or conduct isn't on the side of percolating peace?
Consider positively contributing to make the experience better next time, minus blame and shame and coulda, woulda, shoulda. Perhaps the experience or sport actually isn't right for you or your child and instead of a "give up" attitude, it becomes a slight shift to doing something else more suitable.Consider if you are a leader or a follower. Either is ok, but understand who your role models are in either case or both and the example you are also setting. Think with your heart. Practice Gratitude, not Attitude.
Advanced Exercise and Journal Prompt:
Say this out loud and revise the wording so it works for you:
"I'm very disappointed in your behavior. My expectations and rules are this: (don't be late, don't throw things... whatever it is...) As a result, here is what is going to happen (you get to run, you sit out a game, you're fined, you've got detention, I'm divorcing you, I'm unfriending you....whatever it is.)"
Are you yelling and screaming and losing your cool?
Remember, the only one who has control of you is you, so how you conduct your reaction is key also.
When you have a rule hurdler to contend with and teach, even if it's yourself who needs the skill set brushed up, emotional control and boundaries are paramount. These are your tools for success. We all have different personalities to contend with, but some rules are just the rules and those are the expectations. It can be extremely sad and uncomfortable to sit someone down and have this consequences chat. In fact, all you might have is a moment of decision making because you have no choice but to react. In all cases, think about exceptional behavior. When possible, don't speak or act first and apologize later. Think before you do and train yourself to automatically have the stellar behavior so in those quick moments you react accordingly. It takes practice if it doesn't come naturally.
It's disappointing when things don't go our way. I get it. You can't change the outcome no matter how many times you replay it. But your behavior in those losing and winning moments speaks volumes without you ever having to shout or utter a word. The same goes
for how we all behave.
About Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino
Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino is a 19-year veteran of the financial services and regulatory compliance training industry. Now, a recognized leader in personal development, Elizabeth is the founder and CEO of The Best Ever You Network, a brand with more than one million followers in social media and over two million radio downloads on The Best Ever You Show.
With a mixture of humor and grace, Elizabeth helps people root in gratitude, discover motivation and implement positive, lasting change. An expert in mentoring people to market their strengths and achieve brand excellence, she works with clients worldwide to illuminate their light within, develop their best life and become their Best Ever You with gratitude-based behavior and belief systems.
Elizabeth’s book PERCOLATE – Let Your Best Self Filter Through (Hay House, 2014) has been called “charming” by Publisher’s Weekly, with “an ingenious extended coffee metaphor.” Guarino also ranks consistently as one of the top 40 social CEOs on Twitter and was just named a favorite by Oxford Said Business School. Her hashtags #BestEverYou and #TipstoBeYourBest are widely circulated.
Follow Elizabeth on Twitter @BestEverYou