Let me get straight to the point: If you try to find it, you will never have it. Joy is something you have to be, not something you can find somewhere. It is not something you can get from others, nor is it something you can buy. Joy comes from inside, it’s a choice you have to make.
Joy is a state of being that starts with you. Something you cannot get from others. But at the same time joy is something that you easily replace with anger and frustration by expecting a reaction from others or by caring about the judgements, others have about you.
Judgements kill joy, and that’s we you can start: make yourself independent from the judgements and opinions of others and simply do what works for you.
Here are five guidelines that can help you create more joy in your life – starting today!
Making yourself independent
Acknowledge that joy is something you have to choose. As a human being living in a busy and hectic environment, you will get lost if your own state of being depends on others. Never give others the power over yourself. Never make their behavior, their actions or their judgements greater than yourself. Once you get that it all starts with your own way of “thinking” it will be way easier for you to choose happiness and joy. Be in allowance of others – don’t judge them for what they are doing and never expect others to do something for you. Judgments of others and expectations from others are the main elements of frustration. Why? Because you cannot influence or change them.
Ask yourself: “Do I really want to give this person that power over my life?” The answer was always “no,” and the more often you practice this, the faster the level of joy will increase in your life. You cannot change others, but you can always change your point of view.
Interesting Point of View
What if every opinion, action, judgement or even mean comment of someone else was just their interesting point of view? Anger and frustration are so intense because we take things personal. We immediately go into defense mode and prepare ourselves to “fire back.” Not really the smartest choice if you desire more joy in all areas of your life. Allowing others to be who they are and taking away the intensity of a personal attack makes your live way easier than you could ever imagine. An easy way to practice this is the “interesting point of view” tool: Whenever someone says or does something that irritates or disempowers you, neutralize the energy by saying “interesting point of view” to yourself. It helps you not taking it personal and being in allowance of others the way they are. Most important side note: don´t say it loud! Just think it to yourself!
Give up being right
A very wise man once said, “From his own point of view, everyone is right.” People are mean, judgmental and unfair because they simply are. They think they are right – from their point of view. You, on the other hand, are offended and react to that action, because from your point of view, something else would be “appropriate” or right. Having more joy in all areas of your life requires you to give that game up! Are you rather right than happy? It is useless to try to convince others of the rightness of your point of view – they will not get it! Remember, from their point of view they are right, so it can only lead to conflict, and conflict is the opposite of joy. That does not mean that everyone can treat you like a doormat. You can always tell someone to stop, you can always choose to not interact with a mean person, and you can always get back to them and stop them verbally. The difference when you give up being right is the level of stress that you create inside of you: If you give up being right, you can choose from a neutral point of view. “Thank you for that information, and no, this is not working for me.” That’s the line I started using and suddenly I noticed how much more joy I had in my life.
Add to your life
But there is more you can do to have more joy in all areas of your life than “not reacting” to others. Once you spend less time with being disappointed, angry or sad because of others, you will notice quickly how much energy you have left for creation. And creation is a turbo-boost for happiness and joy.
Adding creation to your life does not require a huge change, a significant decision or “throwing everything overboard” that does not work. And it does not require to work hard – creation is doing what is joyful and exciting for you! It is as simple as that! Look at the things you are really good at and that are total fun for you and – most important – so easy and logical that you would never consider it as work. And no matter what it is! If it is fun and exciting for you, it works. Dedicate at least 20 minutes of your day to that particular thing and enjoy doing it rather than judging you for “being lazy.” And who knows, it might turn into an additional income stream or even a nor job in the future.
Don´t make changes too significant
Whatever you do or want to try out to add more joy to your life – JUST DO IT! Try it out, go there, make that step. You can always change it if it does not work, but if you never try you will never know. Many people try to figure out beforehand, what a change in their life might look like in the future or how life will be once a choice was made. They make the “what if” scenario more significant than the change itself; they want to make sure they make the “right choice” and – most importantly – they make ever decision in life significant. Living a joyful life requires something else: it requires the willingness to be flexible and the willingness to change things again, if they don´t work. There is nothing such as the “one right choice.” Once you made that one, you can change everything again, choose differently or do something else.
Nothing should be more significant than your desire for more joy – and if you never try, you will never know! So, don´t wait! Go for it.
Dr. David Kubes is an international lawyer specializing in aviation law, finance and project management. In 2006 he opened his own boutique law firm Kubes Passeyrer Attorneys at Law. A savvy entrepreneur, he owns several companies including an import-export company in Cuba, an Art Gallery in Vienna and his own real estate development company in Vienna. Kubes is fluent in German, English, Spanish and French and is an avid world traveler. He is a European-licensed coach and alternative dispute resolution practitioner and heads an international coaching and consulting company. He is a certified facilitator of several Access Consciousness® special programs, including Wealth Creators Anonymous. Follow David.