This is an excerpt from the book A Warrior of Light by Eileen Silverberg
Being an only child and having no family nearby to help take turns caring for my mom, Tuti, who had Alzheimer’s, I had no choice but to figure out ways to enrich my spirit so I could stay strong during the tougher days. I had to get to the point where I exuded grace, ease, and love. Do you know why? Because these components, grace, ease, and love, were and are the pure intention behind all my work with my mom. Trust me, our energy field has incredible powers. I like to think of it as a magnetic sphere. You may not be able to see it, but it is a force that we all can feel.
I distinctly remember accidentally clicking on an interview with Tony Robbins talking about business losses and the suffering of failing. Since we own two businesses, the message hit home. I was marveled and captivated by his explanation. So I continued listening. He said something along the lines of “feelings of failure are normal, but when we start to obsess about ourselves, we move from the pain of the loss to suffering around it.” Although the explanation was based on business, the feeling of failure is pretty relatable in all aspects of our lives. That statement alone was enough for me to recognize that I had to make that distinction not only in our business but also with my relationship with Tuti in order to move forward.
Was I feeling pain, or was I simply depleting myself with suffering? That question was crucial if I wanted my life to be better and my experiences to serve a higher good. This caused me to start evaluating how my emotions were transferred into my body language. What was I showing the world? What was I telling with my body? What was my body trying to say to me? Immediately I knew I had to eliminate feelings of defeat and loneliness because these feelings were not only stopping me from improving my life, but they were causing me to be consumed with my own pain. These feelings were robbing me of the necessary opportunities and resources to help me enrich my life.
So after going through a process of looking hard into my belief system and being extremely honest with myself, I became a skilled armorsmith and weaponsmith. I started to transform my soul into what I call an Aloha Soul. To me, an Aloha Soul is the essence behind every labor of love. It is the conscious decision to appreciate, enjoy, grow, and give in a loving, grateful way. In the course of my journey, I used many tools and skills to develop and build my courage. You see, courage is a skill that everyone can and should develop, especially when dealing with the fog Alzheimer’s disease brings. I know this because I am a true example of such accomplishments.
It is only fair I share with grace and humble pride my soulful tools for achieving an Aloha Soul so you too can nourish your body, mind, and spirit. All of these secret tools are a mix of all the life-changing spiritual teachings I have been blessed to receive. This is a highlight of my magical tools, my toolbox, my sheath, and my quiver of arrows. Yes, some of these techniques I have had the pleasure to study, apply, and borrow, and some others have come to me by what I called Divine Intervention. So get Ready, Set, Go!
1. Your body language
The way we hold our bodies and carry ourselves affects our emotions. While the body doesn’t lie, we can train it! By training your body, you trick your brain, and by tricking your brain, you can change your emotions. I wish this were part of our school curriculum. This is absolutely fascinating! Vanessa Van Edwards explains in her book Captivate how winner athletes take up space. It makes so much sense. Even when we are watching our favorite team winning, what do we do with our body? We take up space, we expand our chest, and we hold our head high and tilt our heads up. Our bodies are nonverbally programmed to react to joy, victory, defeat, or sadness. Once I read about this topic, I got hooked. There is no question you can train your body to make your emotions work in your favor.
2. Get a new script
Another tool I used was to get a new script. I resolved to stop talking about the debilitating story of how this chronic illness was placing a heavy burden on the whole family. I purposely fired my past and the attachment to my sad story. Instead, I got a new script and a new pair of lenses for my glasses. In the endeavor of seeing our lives as a blessing, of seeing the blessings in the situation we are facing and are about to face, a new script and a change in the storyline becomes crucial. I knew I had to change the perception and separate from the stories I was sharing with others and, most importantly, with myself.
3. Know who you are
To explore what we are made of and how we can make a difference in the world changes our view. There is an absolute truth and almost equal advice in all the books I have read. The best way to deal with fear is to go through it. That is an absolute truth. However, first you must prepare and nourish your spirit. I have found that without preparation, going into a black hole where emotions are twisted can send you to a low point. Preparation, as with anything in life, is the antidote to depression.
So to prepare to go through this, I asked, who am I? Simply and beautifully said, we are a conception, a vision, better yet, a predesign of God. He designed us knowing us and simply waiting for us to meet the right mode and state to represent Him here on earth. He made us beforehand knowing we are meant to be more like Him. I am God’s design . . . I am God’s child. When I finally was able to view it that way, I made a deal with myself to enjoy myself while I fully and slowly redeveloped myself.
4. Set your day with grace and magic
A simple weapon I adopted was to stage my day with total magic. Greeting God and my morning first thing with eternal appreciation staged my day with a positive vibration. I made myself aware of the way I was feeling. I told my being how grateful I was for the nighttime rest, how invigorating this new day would be, and the value of having a new great day to see what the world had for me.
5. Smile and laughter
Gestures, especially hand and head movements, tend to express the meaning of your ideas, which in turn, become the emotions you feel. Try it. Change your facial expression and see what happens to your emotions. We were created perfect. Our magnificent organism has more nerve receptors in the face and in the hands. The brain is constantly wanting to decipher the movement our face expresses. When you frown, it automatically sends a message to our brain to figure out if we are worried, confused, displeased, or concentrating. I, of course, find this fascinating!
It is scientifically known that a smile has the marvelous capability to produce a tremendous impact on the left prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for problem-solving and mood function, among other important things. Even if you are experiencing a moment of sadness, displeasure, or frustration, and you purposely smile and keep the smile going, the brain gets confused. The left prefrontal cortex is what makes your Warrior see the light. This is one of the most powerful tools you can bring to your journey. It does not matter how you define your experience with your parent’s disease. Smiling is pretty much a multifunction tool. This tool will equip you for the unexpected everyday challenges of real life. Your Warrior within will thank you.
6. Talk to yourself with love and understanding and breathe
Studies have shown how negative language has the capability to kill certain brain centers. Mental states of constant resentment and sadness will sabotage not only your mind but also your physical health. Would you say to a friend, “How can you be so stupid? You are incapable of doing anything right and have no talent whatsoever.” No, of course not! However, somehow, we do it to ourselves constantly. When you see it in this context, doesn’t it make you sad?
Why do we do this? Are we forgetting who we are? Are we forgetting who truly made us? No matter what we may be experiencing, we must remember what I almost forgot myself: “We are magnificent beings dealing with tough circumstances.” Repeat this mantra five times while you are drinking your coffee or tea in the morning.
7. Trust God, keep calm, all is well in my world
Trusting God in all that comes to me is what pulls me into what I was meant to be. These days, my prayers are words of gratitude. Most people share a belief in a higher power of some kind, and if you do, then you understand the potency behind having a spiritual force. I am a believer of God’s Mighty Grace, Lord Jesus.
If praying and talking to God this way is not your thing, I have found the most beautiful and comforting lessons from A Course in Miracles. Lesson 71, although short, is mighty powerful, and it calls for us to remember “to ask God to reveal His plan to us. Ask Him very specifically:
What would You have me do? Where would You have me go? What would You have me say, and to whom?”
Being the one who can hold the light for you to walk through this journey with words and prayers which will connect you to the Mighty Creator is a true honor. May you find your own perfect prayer!
Eileen Silverberg is a Life Coach in Emotional Management, and the author of the new book, A Warrior Of Light: A Guide Of Inner Wisdom For Challenging Times. For more information visit www.eileensilverberg.com or connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.