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Finding Inner Peace When Loved Ones Are Struggling

Is it less loving to know you are OK and to choose to be OK even though someone you love may not be OK?

This is a question countless clients of mine over the years have brought to me, and it’s a very important one to address.

I’m not going to suggest that I have the right answer, but I will share with you what has brought many of my clients over the years a great deal of inner peace. This is also a path that I choose in moments when people I love are in a difficult moment or season, or just plain old self-sabotaging.

There are three things that have proven to be true and effective every single time that I’ve learned.

1. Resting in Unshakable Wholeness

Resting in unshakable wholeness in full alignment with your soul benefits you and everyone involved every single time. This doesn’t always look like a positive reaction from people, but modeling alignment means you will have no regrets. It also means that you demonstrate this possibility for everyone around you. And finally, alignment is about honoring, respecting, and taking care of yourself, which even in challenging moments, you have control over. This is especially true when people you love are making scary choices that you have no control over.

The bottom line here is always to take care of and connect to your soul, guiding you to move your life forward no matter what - every time. And we all always have access to and control over this.

2. Being OK in Not-OK Situations

You can be OK and your best in situations that are just plain not OK. Cancer taught me this. And what I know for sure is you don’t need a breakdown or a crisis to know how to be OK even in challenging or even painful moments.

Here’s how it works: you get to choose how you want to feel and how you want to experience the moment you’re in.

When we need the external to be how we need it to be for us to be OK, then we are trapped and unnecessarily powerless. What I teach my clients and practice myself is plugging into my spiritual GPS how I want to feel and experience every moment I’m in. Then, one step at a time, I take action, guided by my own soul, towards that feeling and experience.

One more time for your nervous system’s benefit: you get to feel how you want to feel no matter what. From there, let your best be enough.

3. Giving Yourself What You Want

Instead of waiting for circumstances to change for you to feel better, focus on what you want and give yourself what you want.

This life hack has changed my life and the lives of literally thousands of my clients over the years.

It can feel counterintuitive if you are hardwired for codependence to let yourself have what you want while people you love are struggling, but this is self-love and the most loving thing we can choose. And it is a choice. Someday isn’t coming. Your turn isn’t coming until you give it to yourself and prioritize every moment being the right moment to give yourself what you want. This is game-changing every time and once again gives the people you love permission to practice this for themselves as well.

Practice not needing anything or anyone to be different than it was or is until you feel resolved. You don’t have to wait for life to change for you to be resolved. We can’t change what was or what is except for the experience we’re having through it all.

What doesn’t work is putting yourself and your life on hold until everything is finally your preference.

People will behave how they behave. Life will show up how it’s showing up. And you get to guide yourself home emotionally and feel how you want to feel through it all. It’s brave and it’s not the norm, but man does it feel better than being at the mercy of life and other people.

As a life coach and cancer survivor, I've learned that true strength and peace come from within. It’s a journey of self-discovery and self-love that enables us to navigate life’s toughest challenges. Embrace these practices, and let me know how it transforms your life.

About Rebeccah Silence

Rebeccah Silence is not just changing lives; she's redefining family happiness for audiences around the world. As an award winning author, coach and media personality, her mission is clear and deeply achievable: to ensure every child grows up with healed, joyful parents, and every couple discovers a love that's not just sustainable but blissfully transformative. Through her unparalleled expertise in healing generational trauma, Rebeccah turns the dream of a harmonious, love-filled home into an accessible everyday reality. Her own story of resilience and triumph and 16 years of success stories assures you that profound, lasting happiness isn't just possible - it's within reach. Learn more about her transformative work at


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