Updated: Apr 13, 2021
You know it and feel it when your potential is being limited. Whether it's a manager that passes you up for an opportunity or promotion, a coach who doesn't play or start you, or an event that has a hold on your success. That inner frustration you feel is your potential being limited. Who or what is holding you back from realizing your dreams and goals and creating your best life? It is your life! At all ages and in all moments, are you living to your highest potential? Is someone or something holding you back? Are you holding yourself back?
When there are limits being placed on you, you may need to change. It's in those moments of knowing and feeling that you need to change, or hoping passively for something different that can get you stuck.
When we feel stuck, often we are frozen in less than thinking. We may start to turn the noise inward on ourselves and chip away at our self-esteem or worse - lose it entirely, which often has a less than stellar outcome on our performance. This eats away at optimism and can often be the reason behind the result of anger, impatience, frustration and very low vibration energy.
In all cases, especially when someone doesn't see your value, you may be losing or have lost valuable time that you can't get back.
Be Aware and Know Your Worth: We see it over and over again with sports at all levels and people in jobs at all levels. What we see in people coming to Best Ever You for help is a common theme of a complaint about someone else holding them back and limiting their success.
We worked with a dad whose son plays baseball and had won multiple awards in high school. He asked us for coaching to help him with the frustration he (the dad) was feeling. The dad felt he had sent a serious potential MLB player to a college team and now in year 2, his son has barely played. He said that each year, they and their son kept waiting and waiting for the son to start or play more and each year, they kept on waiting. Hoping was the phrase he used. "I hoped the coach would start him. He hoped the coach would start him. When we first sent him to the school and team, the sky was the limit. In year 2, it has become less and less of a reality for my son to even play in college, let alone in the MLB. We were expecting player and skills development and what we got was more of a bench warmer and chasing foul balls," he said.
Now, in this case, parents over and over again are subject to criticism because they are often guilty of thinking their future superstar is better than they really are. However, to allow a 2 year period of time to pass in hoping-mode, most likely meant it wasn't a match for the athlete, who didn't play. Somewhere in there, the coach failed to find the value in the athlete and develop his full potential. Also, a very common thread is the athlete's voice has been drowned out or the athlete doesn't feel comfortable speaking up to advocate for themselves either for fear of repercussions and punishment or because they lack the skills in doing so. The bench time can be a reality check of disappointment and if the athlete and family aren't properly trained to recognize a value mismatch, years 3 and 4 will be here before you know it and the time has passed.
In this particular case, after hearing that the student-athlete was also a top academic recruit and had maintained that in college those years with minimal playing time, we worked with the family to help unblock the limiting beliefs. They obtained a transfer. Their son is now a top college player and a strong MLB recruit at another college. According to the family, the new coach and the recruit were aligned from Day 1 about his role, responsibilities and actions he needed to take to develop to get to the next level of play. These discussions were absent from the team he moved from.
We also worked with a woman, recently, to write a new vision statement. The women had worked for a company for 6 years and when the company was merged with another, the women maintained her salary, but her job title shifted into a role where she lost most of her decision-making opportunities. Mostly because she needed the money, she became frustrated and stuck. She admitted, began to absolutely dread going to work and counted down the moments daily to being able to leave and go home.
After working with this woman for just 2 sessions, we were able to place her back in touch with her self-confident inner voice and help her match her actions to that voice. We're proud to say, our client has a new job and salary, as now her job title and responsibilities are aligned and her new company has placed tremendous value in her capabilities.
Find Your Voice: Are you afraid to speak up? Do you have approachable managers or coaches, family and friends where you feel comfortable voicing your praise and your concerns in a positive manner? In the cases above, both people and the dad and family of the baseball player felt silenced. In the case of the baseball player when the son asked to be placed in the transfer portal, the coach became flabbergasted and offended. He said, "Why didn't you say something at one of our spring or fall meetings? We felt we've given you opportunities and we recognize your potential." It was a moment where the athlete, as he described, felt guilty, silenced and again limited, as the coach was less than happy about the transfer situation."
The family came back to a meeting with us at Best Ever You after meeting with the coach and we recommended full steam ahead on the transfer, as we didn't hear what we needed to hear to stay and neither did the student-athlete, whose dream remained to play in the MLB.
As the student described the meeting he told the coach what we had discussed in our meeting, which was along these lines: "Coach, if you felt I had that much potential, I certainly would have played more or even started. I would have had more of your personal attention and development as you extend to the starters, you would have followed me in the summer leagues and we'd have had discussions from the get-go about my career after college. Instead, I've sat on the bench or in the bull-pen, questioning my role, play time and it is when I began to question my own abilities that I knew it was time to change.. I've done everything the same and better and you haven't seen the same value in me as I see in myself or that others see in me and I don't feel I'll get to the next levels under these circumstances. I've also been a near-straight A student and you've limited my success being an all-academic player, but not giving me play time to match my goals of being an all-academic. I believe I need to find a place that values me, my skills, me educational pursuits, and who I am so I realize my goals and dreams."
BRAVO. Find your voice and be polite and do so in line with your own beliefs, goals, dreams, behavior and more.
The woman we worked with to change jobs, had a very similar chat. At the end of her conversation, the company offered her $5,000 more in salary and an additional week of vacation if she stayed. She ran as fast as she could from the way too-late additional incentives to stay put in a limiting situation. She has now nearly doubled her salary and has colleagues who are developing and mentoring her to become a C-Suite executive.
Seek Outside Opportunities to Combat the Negative Situation: The internal voice that is questioning is your intuition and gut reaction to who you are as a person. Only you can hear that unless you verbalize it. Sometimes it is very wise to seek outside, un-biased assistance to check and verify. We serve in that capacity to many with our vision statements, as well as personal and professional coaching. Additionally, it may serve you well to find a mentor. Someone in the field you are in or trying to be in who has achieved it and can assist you. In the case of our baseball family, through the years of high school and college, the family had multiple relationships with people who wanted to help foster success. Unfortunately while the coach wasn't quite showing up to help our player, others in the stands had eagle eyes on our player to help him get to the next level. One thing, we felt was key in his circumstance, was maintaining or restoring self-esteem and confident that was being eaten by comparison to others and lack of voice during the 2-year stay.
In the case of our woman who needed a new job, we suggested she continue to do her job and then also place her information quietly with a recruiting firm who had an unbiased opinion on her skills and talents. At the interview stage with the firm, she quickly remembered who she was, her skills, and talents and restored her confidence and removed the constant questioning that was playing in her mind.
In both cases, the people remembered their value and were placed back in touch with themselves to stand confidently in who they are and a proper assessment.
Whether your goals and dreams are lofty or just a better day-to-day, it's important to get clarity and vision. Equally important is practicing that vision and sharing that vision with others so people can assist you in reaching your potential. In both cases, our Best Ever You Team worked to help develop clear vision statements that supported the dreams and goals and unblocked limiting beliefs. Goals and vision statements are two tools used to help people get from point A to B and beyond. We recommend a vision statement that helps you in all areas of your life as well as personalized vision statements to address specific goals and dreams.
You can't be it, if you can't see it. If others can't see it within you, they will be unable to show up for you to assist you realize your potential. Just because someone doesn't find your value, doesn't mean you are worthless. Find your vision for yourself and stick to it.
Don't get stuck. So often, to realize and maximize your potential, that dreaded word CHANGE comes into the picture and won't let go of your inner voice until you do something. The need for change can be hard to ignore. When you ignore your intuition that is often screaming at you for change, regret creeps in and can turn into frustration and anger. So often we hear, " I wish I would have made this change long ago." or "What was I so afraid of?" or "I should have done this before xyz happened."
Don't get stuck in the shoulds, coulds, and woulds. Take action and be your bravest, boldest You. You are the CEO of You. Embrace your space, embrace yourself and live your life to your fullest potential.
About Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino
Elizabeth Hamilton Guarino is one of America's foremost personal and corporate consultants, specializing in mindset, strategy, leadership and actions. As a trusted leader, Master Life Coach, consultant, trainer and speaker and best-selling author, Elizabeth has helped thousands around the globe be their best and achieve world-class excellence. Elizabeth is an author of multiple award-winning books in the self-help and children's book genres, including the best-seller PERCOLATE - Let Your Best Self Filter Through. Her newest book, The Change Guidebook, will be released by HCI Books in Summer 2022.
Elizabeth is the CEO and Founder of The Best Ever You Network. The company was established in 2008 and is a global multi-media, provider of personal and professional development.
Guarino was born in Minneapolis and is a 1991 honors graduate of St. Ambrose University in Iowa, with a degree in Journalism. She attends Harvard Business School for Leadership.
Elizabeth and her husband, Peter R. Guarino, Esq. and their four sons live in Maine.
About Kris Fuller
Kris Fuller is a leading personal and corporate consultant, specializing in mindset, strategy, leadership and action. As a trusted leader, consultant, trainer and speaker and best-selling author, Kris has helped thousands around the globe be their best and achieve world-class excellence. Kris is an author of multiple award-winning books in the self-help and children's book genres a Master Certified Coach, the Chief Operating Officer of Best Ever You and the CEO of Your Life Sparkles. She is an author, inspirational speaker and host of empowerment events. She has worked in public education in Ontario, Alberta, BC and England.
Fuller was born in Dubai and a 2001 Honors graduate of The University of Alberta majoring in Education. She lives in British Columbia.