Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office: Dr. Lois Frankel on Confidence, Career Growth, and Breaking Through Workplace Barriers

For decades, women have been told to work harder, speak softer, lean in more, smile more, and somehow navigate workplace systems that often continue shifting beneath their feet. From subtle bias and office politics to self-doubt, burnout, gaslighting, and the pressure to constantly prove themselves, many women are still carrying invisible barriers that quietly impact their careers and confidence.

In the newly revised third edition of Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office: Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers, internationally recognized executive coach and leadership expert, Lois P. Frankel revisits her groundbreaking work with a fresh and timely perspective. Blending practical career guidance with honest conversations about modern workplace culture, Dr. Frankel explores the unconscious habits and external challenges that continue to hold women back — and how they can begin reclaiming their voice, value, leadership, and power.

We’re honored to sit down with Dr. Lois Frankel to discuss career advancement, workplace dynamics, self-sabotage, resilience, leadership, and what women need now more than ever to thrive personally and professionally

Dr. Frankel, your work has helped so many women over the years. For someone new to your message, what do you most want them to understand about this updated edition?

I would like them to know that the title does not imply that you can’t be nice and be successful. Nothing is further from the truth. You simply can’t be the nice little girl you were taught to be in childhood and expect to achieve your adult goals. Nice is necessary for success, but it’s not sufficient. This book teaches you how to be nice and be your own best advocate as well.

You’ve said that despite progress, women are still facing significant challenges in the workplace. What do you see happening right now that makes this conversation especially important?

We are now living in a BROocracy. The progress women made over the past few decades has been seriously eroded. Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) efforts have been all but erased at most major corporations and women’s affinity groups have disappeared. White men are calling the shots for the rest of us. These are steps backward for women. It’s important to recognize this and develop skills to remain relevant and valuable.

The idea of “self-sabotaging habits” is powerful. Why do so many of these behaviors persist, even among highly capable women?

Even women who are encouraged to achieve their full potential by family and friends find themselves bombarded with societal messages that are hard to ignore. From social media to advertising and Hollywood portrayals, they encounter unrealistic expectations that cause them to act in ways that are counter to their best self-interest. Women are afraid to speak up and stand out for fear of being called the dreaded b-word.

You highlight issues like gaslighting and microaggressions. How can women begin to recognize these experiences and respond in a way that protects their confidence and career?

Women need to understand that comments such as “you really think you’re ready for that promotion?” or “aren’t you overreacting?” are not legitimate questions. They are statements that are designed to make you doubt your decisions, your feelings, and your capabilities. When you feel as if you’ve been shot down, listen for the implied criticism in the question and respond to that. For example, if someone suggests you’re not ready for a promotion, an appropriate response would be, “I see it differently. Let me tell you why I believe I am.” Don’t be afraid to disagree with statements that are inconsistent with your reality. We all need to embrace Eleanor Roosevelt’s maxim—no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Don’t give it.

Many women struggle with undervaluing themselves. What are some practical ways to begin shifting that mindset?

First, do an internal audit of your achievements. The best predictor of future success is past success. Consider what you would think if you met someone who had done those things.

Next, keep an atta’ gal file. I’ve had mine for over 30 years. It’s where you keep compliments, praise, and other forms of acknowledgement. Go back and read it periodically throughout the year to reinforce your value.

And when it comes to undervaluing yourself in the area of pay and perks, do some research to determine what jobs like yours command in the open market. Then negotiate for what you and the job should be paid. Take a class in negotiation for women so that you can stop undervaluing yourself in all aspects of your life.

You’ve said that being “nice” is not enough. How can women balance being respected, assertive, and authentic without feeling like they have to change who they are? I don’t believe that anyone should change who they are. At the same time, most of us could add a few strategic behaviors to our skillsets that would enhance our credibility and confidence. For example, rather than wait to be the last person to speak in a meeting, be the second or third person. Early speakers are perceived as more self-confident. Try shortening your communications to as few words as necessary. Too many words soften a message. Stop asking permission. We expect children to ask permission, not adult women. Just a few behavioral additions can shift how others see us and how we see ourselves.

Avoiding office politics is something many people pride themselves on. Why can that actually hold someone back?

Women need to understand that the business of politics is the simply the business of relationships. At its core, politics is the implicit understanding that there is a quid pro quo to every relationship—something in exchange for something else. If you’re avoiding politics, then you’re not benefiting from that natural give and take. When you need a relationship, it’s too late to build it.

What does it mean to create a “memorable brand” for yourself in today’s workplace? Your brand is what people say about you when you leave a meeting or after you hang up the phone. Like any brand, you have to differentiate yours from other brands in the market (in this case the workplace), do market research (gather feedback about how others perceive the brand), and consciously hone it. People are going to think something about you—so why not control the narrative by deciding what you want that to be and acting in ways that allow people to see the value that you add.

For women who feel stuck or frustrated in their careers, what is one simple step they can take to begin moving forward?

Define what you want. When you have a clear picture of what you want to be doing, in what environment, with what kinds of people, you are far more likely to get unstuck. Without that vision, you will continue to spin your wheels.

If a woman is reading this and knows she’s capable of more but isn’t fully stepping into it yet, what would you want her to hear?

I would want to her to hear the words of Lao Tzu: the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

At Best Ever You, we often talk about Pause, Breathe, Choose as a way to move forward with intention. How can women use that kind of awareness to make stronger, more aligned career decisions?

Those are particularly wise words for women because all too often we act like humans doing rather than humans being. Each of the things I’ve talked about so far requires intention. They don’t happen accidentally or because you wish them to happen. Goals are only realized because you made a conscious choice and acted on it. And you can’t make a choice if you don’t pause to consider the array of choices available to you. I like that. Pause. Breathe. Choose.

About the Author

Dr. Lois Frankel is an executive coach, keynote speaker and bestselling author of the “nice girls” series, which includes Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich, Nice Girls Don’t Speak Up or Stand Out and Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It. Her media appearances include Larry King Live, The Today Show, 20/20, Tavis Smiley, People magazine, Women’s World, The Wall Street Journal and USA Today.

Frankel has worked with corporate giants around the globe, including Amgen, BP, Microsoft, the Walt Disney Company and the World Bank. She is the recipient of the Los Angeles County Commission on Women’s Woman of the Year Award and Maybelline New York’s Women Who Empower through Education Award. She has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Southern California and received an honorary doctorate of humane letters from Phillips Graduate Institute.You can connect with her on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/drloisfrankel/ where she regularly shares commentary and articles of interest to working women.