5 Ways People Sabotage Their Own Success (And What to Do About It)

Sometimes the biggest obstacle standing between you and success isn't someone else. It's what you keep doing, avoiding, or expecting.

I've spent more than two decades working with people in business, leadership, coaching, and personal development, and there's something I've noticed over and over again. People genuinely want to succeed. They have dreams, goals, ideas, talent, and often tremendous potential. They can describe what they want their lives to look like, what they hope to accomplish, and what they believe they're capable of achieving. But wanting something and doing what it takes to make it happen are two very different things.

I wrote The Success Guidebook because I believe success begins with defining what it means to you. Not what it means to your parents, your colleagues, your friends, or the people you're comparing yourself to on social media. Your success should reflect your values, priorities, and the life you actually want to live. But once you've defined success for yourself, there's another conversation we need to have. What are you doing to help yourself succeed, and what are you doing that might be getting in your own way?

I don't believe every setback is self-inflicted. Life is complicated. People face genuine barriers, difficult circumstances, financial challenges, health issues, discrimination, loss, and responsibilities that can make even the simplest goals feel overwhelming. Sometimes things don't work out despite our best efforts. But sometimes we have to look a little more closely at our own habits, choices, and expectations.

Here are five ways people can unintentionally sabotage their own success, along with some practical ways to change course.

1. Making Excuses Instead of Making Changes

We can become remarkably good at explaining why something hasn't happened. We don't have enough time. We didn't think it was worth the effort. We don't have the right connections. The timing isn't right. Someone else had an advantage. We're waiting for things to settle down. We need more money, more experience, more confidence, or more information before we can begin.

Sometimes those concerns are completely legitimate. But sometimes an explanation becomes an excuse when we use it repeatedly to avoid taking the next step. I think the distinction matters. An explanation helps us understand a problem. An excuse can become a reason to stop looking for a solution.

I've seen people spend more energy defending why they haven't done something than they would have spent taking one small step toward doing it. And I've caught myself doing versions of that, too. It's human nature to protect ourselves from disappointment, rejection, embarrassment, and the possibility of failing. But if we keep waiting for ideal conditions, we may spend years waiting.

Sometimes the excuse is that something simply isn't worth the effort. We convince ourselves that an opportunity is too small, an event won't attract enough people, a conversation won't lead anywhere, or a particular task won't produce an immediate return. But how can we know what an opportunity might become if we never give it a chance? Not every effort will pay off, and we certainly don't have to say yes to everything. Still, some of the most meaningful relationships, opportunities, and accomplishments begin with something that seemed relatively insignificant at the time. When we dismiss everything that doesn't promise an immediate reward, we may be closing doors before we even discover where they lead.

What to do instead: Pay attention to the explanations you repeat most often. Ask yourself, Is this something I genuinely cannot change, or is there one part of this situation I can influence? You may not have control over the entire situation, but you can often identify one next action. Make the phone call. Send the email. Ask the question. Research the opportunity. Begin with what you have instead of waiting for everything you wish you had.

2. Being Inconsistent and Expecting Consistent Results

This is one of the biggest success saboteurs I see. Someone starts a business, launches a project, commits to a new habit, writes a book, or announces an exciting goal. For the first few days or weeks, they're enthusiastic. They're posting, networking, learning, practicing, reaching out, and making plans. There's energy, excitement, and anticipation about what's possible. Then the initial excitement begins to fade.

They get distracted. Something else looks more interesting. The results aren't immediate. Their schedule gets busy. They miss a few days, then a few weeks, and eventually the goal becomes something they talk about rather than something they're actively pursuing. And yet they wonder why nothing is happening.

Consider what happens when someone launches a book. There may be months or even years spent writing, editing, preparing, and planning for publication. Then launch day arrives. There's excitement, social media activity, announcements, congratulations, perhaps a launch party or a few interviews. Friends and family celebrate. People share photographs, links, and encouraging messages. It's a wonderful moment, and it should be celebrated. Writing and publishing a book is a significant accomplishment.

But what happens the following week? What happens thirty days later? Six months later? A year later?

The book still exists. The message still matters. The readers who might benefit from it are still out there. Yet sometimes the person who was so enthusiastic about launching it has already moved on to something else. The marketing slows down. The outreach stops. The opportunities to speak, connect with readers, visit bookstores, participate in events, and introduce the book to new audiences are no longer being pursued with the same energy.

And then comes the disappointment that the book didn't reach more people.

A book doesn't stop needing its author simply because publication day has passed. In many ways, publication is the beginning of the work of helping that book find its readers. The same is true for a business, a course, a nonprofit initiative, or nearly anything else we hope to build. The announcement creates awareness. What happens afterward creates momentum.

I think we sometimes underestimate how much effort is required after the initial milestone. We love beginnings because they're filled with possibility. We love the anticipation, the recognition, and the feeling that something exciting is happening. But lasting success is often built in the ordinary days that follow, when the applause has faded and the work becomes less visible.

Consistency isn't particularly glamorous. It often means doing the same important things repeatedly, even when nobody is applauding, responding, purchasing, or noticing. It means sending another email after several have gone unanswered. Following up on an opportunity that didn't materialize the first time. Showing up for an event even when the audience is smaller than you hoped. Continuing to share your work when the response isn't what you expected. It means understanding that not every effort will produce an immediate return, but that meaningful progress often depends on the accumulation of those efforts over time.

I know this firsthand. Building Best Ever You, writing books, hosting hundreds of podcast episodes, and working in business and coaching have required years of showing up. Not every effort produces an immediate result. Some of the most important work happens long before anyone else sees its value. I've learned that you cannot judge the worth of everything you do by the response it receives that particular day. Sometimes an opportunity develops months after the first conversation. Sometimes someone discovers a book years after its publication. Sometimes the work you thought nobody noticed turns out to have made a difference.

And here's something else worth considering. When you give up too soon, you may never discover what your efforts could have become. You stop before relationships have time to develop, before people have enough opportunities to discover your work, and before you've learned enough to improve your approach. You may even convince yourself that something wasn't successful when the truth is that you simply didn't give it enough time or sustained attention.

Of course, consistency doesn't mean working every waking moment, ignoring your health, or refusing to change a strategy that isn't working. It means developing a reliable commitment to what matters and returning to it even when life interrupts your plans. It means being willing to adjust your approach without abandoning your purpose. There is a difference between changing how you pursue a goal and walking away from it because the initial excitement has worn off.

What to do instead: Stop relying entirely on motivation. Create a realistic schedule for the actions that support your goals and commit to following through. If you're launching a book, don't create only a launch-day plan. Create a six-month or twelve-month plan for reaching readers, pursuing media opportunities, connecting with organizations, participating in events, and continuing conversations about the book's message. If you're building a business, think beyond opening day. If you're developing a new habit, think beyond the first week.

Decide what you can consistently do, measure your progress over months rather than days, and be willing to make thoughtful adjustments along the way. If your plan is so demanding that you can't sustain it, adjust the plan rather than abandoning the goal.

Success often depends on what you're willing to keep doing after the excitement wears off.

3. Blaming Everyone Else for What Isn't Working

We've all encountered situations where someone else genuinely contributed to a problem. A colleague didn't follow through. A partner let us down. A leader made a poor decision. Someone broke a promise or failed to provide the support they said they would. Perhaps someone received recognition for work you contributed to, an opportunity went to another person, or a collaboration didn't turn out the way you expected.

Those things happen, and accountability matters. But there's a difference between recognizing someone else's responsibility and making someone else responsible for the direction of your entire life.

When every disappointment becomes someone else's fault, we give away something valuable: our ability to respond, adapt, and make decisions about what happens next. We become so focused on what happened to us that we stop paying attention to what we can still do for ourselves.

I've worked with people who can explain in extraordinary detail everything everyone else has done wrong. They can tell you who failed them, who didn't recognize their talent, who didn't help enough, who got the opportunity they deserved, and why the situation wasn't fair. Sometimes they're right about what happened. Sometimes they were genuinely overlooked or treated poorly. But being right about what went wrong doesn't automatically move you forward.

And sometimes blame becomes tangled up with something else entirely: jealousy and comparison.

This is where I think we need to have a particularly honest conversation about success.

It's easy to look at someone else's accomplishments and begin questioning our own. Someone publishes a bestselling book, receives a prestigious award, lands a television interview, grows a successful business, earns a promotion, or attracts a tremendous following. We see the announcement, the photographs, the congratulations, and the recognition. Suddenly, instead of feeling encouraged by what's possible, we begin wondering why it isn't happening for us.

Why did they get that opportunity? What makes them so special? I've worked just as hard. My work is just as good. I have more experience. I deserve that recognition, too.

Those thoughts can creep in before we even realize what's happening.

I think comparison is particularly dangerous because it can disguise itself as ambition. We tell ourselves we're simply paying attention to our industry, studying successful people, or trying to understand what works. And sometimes we are. There's tremendous value in learning from others. But there's a difference between studying someone's success to improve your own approach and studying it to find reasons they shouldn't have succeeded.

When comparison turns into resentment, we can spend an extraordinary amount of time and energy focused on someone else's life. We analyze their opportunities, question their qualifications, criticize their accomplishments, and convince ourselves that circumstances must have favored them. We may even begin hoping they fail because somehow that would make our own disappointments easier to accept.

But someone else's failure doesn't create our success.

Someone else's success doesn't take away our potential.

I think about this often in the worlds of publishing, business, and personal development. There are countless talented authors with meaningful messages, entrepreneurs with excellent ideas, and professionals doing important work who haven't received the attention they hoped for. Meanwhile, someone else may appear to be everywhere. Their book is being discussed, their business is growing, their name is being mentioned, and opportunities seem to keep coming their way.

It's natural to wonder what they're doing differently. It's natural to feel disappointed when you've worked hard and haven't achieved the results you hoped for. I've experienced those feelings myself. But I've also learned that comparing the visibility of someone else's success to the value of your own work is a mistake.

We rarely know the complete story behind another person's accomplishments. We don't see every rejection, sacrifice, relationship, financial investment, strategic decision, or year of preparation that may have contributed to their success. We also don't know which advantages or circumstances helped them along the way. What we see publicly is only part of the picture.

And even if someone did have advantages we didn't, what does constantly resenting those advantages accomplish?

It doesn't improve our work. It doesn't strengthen our relationships. It doesn't create new opportunities. It doesn't help us become more effective at what we do.

In fact, jealousy and comparison can interfere with the very relationships that might help us grow. When we're threatened by someone else's accomplishments, we may become less willing to collaborate, share ideas, offer encouragement, or celebrate another person's good news. We can begin treating people as competitors when they might have been colleagues, partners, mentors, or friends.

I've always believed there's room to celebrate other people while continuing to work toward our own goals. Someone else's book selling well doesn't mean yours cannot. Someone else's successful business doesn't make your business less valuable. Someone receiving an award or an invitation doesn't mean there will never be an opportunity for you.

Success is not always a competition, and treating every accomplishment as though someone must lose for someone else to win can become an exhausting way to live.

There's another form of blame that deserves attention, too. Sometimes we become so convinced that other people should be helping us succeed that we overlook our own responsibility to make things happen.

We expect colleagues to promote our work, friends to share our projects, partners to create opportunities, or professional contacts to open doors. Support and collaboration are wonderful, and people should honor the commitments they make. But we cannot build an entire plan around the assumption that everyone else will do the work for us.

If someone doesn't follow through, we may need to have a conversation, establish a boundary, reconsider the relationship, or change the plan. What we cannot do is spend the next six months explaining why our success was impossible because that person didn't help.

At some point, the question has to change from Whose fault is this? to What am I going to do now?

That doesn't mean accepting blame for things that weren't your responsibility. It doesn't mean pretending that unfairness, broken promises, or unequal opportunities don't exist. It means refusing to let someone else's actions, accomplishments, or recognition determine every choice you make afterward.

It also means learning to recognize jealousy without allowing it to control your behavior. Sometimes jealousy is simply information. It reveals something we want, something we value, or something we feel is missing from our own lives. Instead of judging ourselves for feeling it, we can become curious about what it's telling us.

If you're jealous of someone who has built a successful speaking career, perhaps you need to invest more intentionally in developing your own speaking opportunities. If you're frustrated by another author's book sales, perhaps it's time to examine your marketing strategy, expand your outreach, or find new ways to connect with readers. If someone else's professional recognition bothers you, perhaps you need to clarify what recognition actually means to you and whether you're taking the steps necessary to pursue it.

The goal isn't to become someone else. It's to understand what you want and take responsibility for pursuing it.

Sometimes the healthiest response is simply to congratulate the other person and get back to your own work.

What to do instead: Separate responsibility from control. Identify what happened, acknowledge the part others played, and then look carefully at your own decisions. If someone let you down, determine what needs to change. If you're comparing yourself to someone else, ask whether that comparison is helping you learn or simply making you resentful. If you're feeling jealous, consider what that emotion might reveal about your own goals. Turn your attention toward actions that strengthen your work, build relationships, and create opportunities. Celebrate other people's accomplishments without using them as evidence that you're falling behind.

Accountability isn't about carrying everyone's mistakes. It's about taking ownership of your next move. And success becomes much more meaningful when you stop measuring your progress against someone else's life and begin focusing on the contribution you're here to make.

4. Expecting Success Without Putting in the Work

I want to spend a little more time on this one because I think we've created some unrealistic expectations about success. We hear a lot about believing in ourselves, recognizing our worth, manifesting opportunities, knowing our value, and trusting that good things are coming. I believe confidence matters. I believe mindset matters. I believe recognizing your own potential matters. But none of those things eliminates the need to do the work.

You can be incredibly talented and still need to practice. You can write an extraordinary book and still need to market it. You can have a brilliant business idea and still need to find customers. You can be a gifted speaker and still need to prepare. You can have valuable experience and still need to build relationships, follow through, and deliver results.

Believing you deserve success is not the same as doing what success requires.

Sometimes people confuse confidence with entitlement. They believe their talent, credentials, ideas, or previous accomplishments should automatically lead to recognition, opportunities, sales, or financial rewards. And when those things don't happen, they become frustrated.

But the world doesn't automatically reward us simply because we believe we're exceptional.

There are people doing tremendous work behind the scenes every single day. They're learning, practicing, improving, following up, helping others, building relationships, making mistakes, and trying again. They aren't necessarily the loudest people in the room or the ones receiving the most attention. They're simply doing the work.

I've also learned that some of the most meaningful things we do may not produce an immediate return on investment. Sometimes you show up because you've made a commitment. Sometimes you support someone else's success. Sometimes you contribute because you believe in the mission, not because you know exactly what you'll receive in return. That's part of being a professional, a leader, a collaborator, and a person others can count on.

What to do instead: Look honestly at the effort your goal requires and the effort you're actually contributing. Are you consistently doing the work, or mostly thinking and talking about it? Are you following through on commitments? Are you willing to learn what you don't know, improve what isn't working, and do the less glamorous parts of the process? Confidence is valuable, but combine it with preparation, humility, initiative, and action.

And remember that doing the work doesn't guarantee every outcome. It does, however, give your goals something more substantial to stand on than expectation alone.

5. Giving Up Too Soon Because Success Isn't Happening Fast Enough

We live in a world that makes success look remarkably quick. We see the announcement, the bestselling book, the thriving company, the award, the promotion, the sold-out event, the impressive social media following, or the person who seemingly appeared out of nowhere and became an overnight success. What we often don't see are the years that came before it.

The unanswered emails. The unsuccessful pitches. The disappointing sales. The projects that didn't work. The people who said no. The financial sacrifices. The lessons learned the hard way. The countless ordinary days when someone kept working without knowing whether the effort would eventually pay off.

It's easy to compare our everyday reality to someone else's highlight reel and conclude that we're falling behind. But success doesn't operate on one universal timeline.

I've had projects that gained momentum quickly and others that required years of patience, adjustment, and persistence. I've also learned that perseverance doesn't mean refusing to change direction. Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is rethink your approach, stop pursuing something that no longer fits, or recognize that a particular opportunity isn't right for you.

The challenge is learning the difference between a goal that needs more time and a strategy that needs to change. Quitting because something is difficult is different from making a thoughtful decision to move in another direction.

What to do instead: Give your goals a realistic timeline and establish meaningful ways to measure progress. Look beyond the most visible outcomes. Are you improving? Building relationships? Developing skills? Reaching new people? Learning what works? Ask for feedback and be willing to make adjustments. Don't abandon something meaningful simply because it hasn't produced the results you imagined on the schedule you preferred.

Sometimes success requires patience. Sometimes it requires a different plan. Wisdom is knowing when you need which one.

Success Requires More Than a Positive Mindset

I believe in encouragement. I believe in gratitude, possibility, resilience, and helping people recognize their potential. Those beliefs have been at the heart of Best Ever You since I founded it in 2008. But encouragement without accountability can become empty.

We can tell people they're capable of extraordinary things, and I believe many are. But we also have to be willing to talk about the choices, habits, responsibilities, and effort involved in making those things happen.

Success isn't about being perfect. It isn't about never making excuses, never losing motivation, never blaming someone else, or never wanting to quit. We all have moments when we fall into those patterns. What matters is recognizing them and choosing what to do next.

This is where I return to a practice I teach often: Pause. Breathe. Choose.

Pause long enough to notice what's happening. Breathe before reacting to disappointment, frustration, or comparison. Then choose the response that moves you toward the life you actually want to create.

Maybe that means taking responsibility for something you've been avoiding. Maybe it means creating a better routine, asking for help, having an uncomfortable conversation, or finally following through on something you've talked about for years.

And maybe it means remembering that someone else's success doesn't diminish yours. You don't have to compete with everyone around you to build a meaningful life. You can collaborate, celebrate others, contribute generously, and still pursue your own goals.

Your Success Is Still Yours to Define

I wrote The Success Guidebook because I believe success should be personal. It should reflect your values, your priorities, your relationships, and what matters most to you. But defining success for yourself doesn't mean you get to skip the responsibility of pursuing it.

You can believe in yourself and still need to improve. You can be talented and still need to practice. You can have a wonderful idea and still need to execute it. You can experience setbacks and still be responsible for your next decision. And you can work incredibly hard and still recognize that success is never entirely within anyone's control.

The goal isn't to work endlessly or prove your worth through achievement. It's to stop allowing avoidable habits and expectations to interfere with the things that genuinely matter to you.

So before you decide that success isn't happening because the world hasn't recognized your potential, ask yourself a few questions. Am I making excuses or making progress? Am I showing up consistently? Am I taking responsibility for what I can control? Am I doing the actual work? And am I giving meaningful goals enough time while remaining willing to learn and adapt?

The answers might be uncomfortable. They might also be exactly what you need.

You cannot control every result. But you can take responsibility for how you show up, what you contribute, and what you choose to do next.

With gratitude,

Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino

Bestselling Author of The Success Guidebook, Certified Master Coach, and Founder of Best Ever You

When you grow, the world grows with you.

About Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino

Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino is a bestselling author, life coach, speaker, and founder of the Best Ever You® Network, which she created in 2008 to help people navigate change, define success for themselves, cultivate greater peace, and let their best selves filter through. She is the author of The Change Guidebook and The Success Guidebook and coauthor with Dr. Katie Eastman of The Peace Guidebook and the Hay House book Percolate: Let Your Best Self Filter Through. Through her books, coaching, speaking, and The Best Ever You Show, Elizabeth has spent nearly two decades helping people recognize the patterns that keep them stuck, make meaningful changes, and create lives with greater peace, purpose, and possibility.

Learn more at BestEverYou.com and ElizabethGuarino.com.