Are You Too General or Too Specific? How to Find the Balance That Brings Peace and Clarity

Have you ever noticed how some people seem to let things roll off their back, while others pick up every single nuance and hang onto it like it’s proof that someone is out to get them? This difference often comes down to whether you live in the general or the specific.

Living in the Specific

When you live in the specific, you’re zoomed in on every detail. You notice what someone said, how they looked when they said it, what they posted online, and what you think it “really” meant. While paying attention is a strength, over-analyzing can steal your peace. You start assigning meaning where there may be none.

• “They didn’t like my post—do they not support me?”

• “Their book is selling better—it must mean mine isn’t good enough.”

• “That look they gave me? Proof they don’t like me.”

Living in the specific can make you feel like the world is out to get you, even when it isn’t.

Living in the General

Living in the general, on the other hand, is about keeping perspective. Instead of clinging to details, you zoom out. You recognize that most people are focused on their own lives, not analyzing yours. You notice others’ success, but you don’t make it about you. You see differences without turning them into daggers.

• “They’re having a good day. That’s great for them.”

• “I’m on my own path. Their progress doesn’t take away from mine.”

• “That look? Probably nothing to do with me.”

Living in the general keeps you steady. It lets you move forward without tripping over every detail.

The Balance

Of course, there’s a time for both. Details matter when you’re solving problems, creating something new, or navigating close relationships. But when it comes to comparison, criticism, or jealousy, leaning too far into the specific drains you. Peace lives in the ability to zoom out.

In both The Success Guidebook and The Change Guidebook, I remind readers that perspective is everything. When you live in the “specific,” you risk draining your energy by attaching meaning to every detail—most of which has little to do with you. When you step back into the “general,” you create space to breathe, to focus on your own goals, and to align with your bigger vision. Success and change aren’t built on overanalyzing someone else’s path—they’re built on choosing your own with clarity and courage.

Living too much in the “specific” can quietly erode relationships. When you hang onto every word, glance, or social post, you risk creating stories that may not be true. Over time, this can build unnecessary tension and distance, because people can feel the weight of your over-analysis. Shifting into the “general” gives others the benefit of the doubt, softens assumptions, and allows space for trust to grow. In relationships—whether personal or professional—choosing the general more often can mean the difference between constant conflict and lasting connection.

Signs You’re Living Too Much in the Specific

Being attentive is a strength, but when you zoom in too closely, you can lose perspective.

Here are some common signs you might be stuck in the “specific”:

• You re-read texts or emails for hidden meaning. A simple “K” becomes a two-hour analysis of whether someone is upset with you.

• You overanalyze tone and body language. A look, a pause, or a sigh feels loaded with judgment or criticism.

• You assume success is personal. When someone else achieves something, you feel it says something negative about you.

• You hold onto tiny details. Instead of letting things roll off, you replay exact words or moments long after the conversation has ended.

• You create stories without facts. Instead of asking, you assume you know what others are thinking or feeling.

• You feel constantly on edge. Because you’re picking up every nuance, relationships and environments feel heavier than they really are.

Signs You’re Living Too Much in the General

Living in the “general” is usually calming, but taken too far, it can slide into avoidance or indifference.

Here are signs you may be leaning too far in that direction:

• You gloss over important details. Deadlines, agreements, or promises get blurred because you don’t pin things down.

• You avoid hard conversations. Instead of addressing issues, you brush them off with “it’ll be fine.”

• You let things slide that shouldn’t. Boundaries get crossed because you don’t want to “make a big deal” out of specifics.

• You lose accountability. Without specifics, tasks or responsibilities stay vague, leaving others confused or frustrated.

• You seem disengaged. People may feel you’re not fully present or invested because you don’t notice the details that matter to them.

• You miss growth opportunities. By not paying attention to feedback or nuance, you lose chances to learn and improve.

  
  

The danger of being too general is that you may avoid the very specifics that lead to progress, trust, and clarity. Balance comes from knowing when to zoom in—and when to step back.

The danger of living too much in the specific is that it turns everyday interactions into sources of stress. Zooming out into the “general” allows you to breathe, trust, and keep moving forward.

Signs You’re Living “Just Right”

The sweet spot between general and specific is where awareness meets perspective. You’re tuned in enough to notice important details, but not so zoomed in that you lose peace. You can zoom out to see the bigger picture without ignoring what matters.

Here are signs you’re finding that balance:

• You notice details but don’t obsess over them. You can catch the tone of someone’s words without replaying the conversation for hours.

• You stay curious instead of assuming. If you’re unsure what something means, you ask rather than create a story.

• You balance accountability with grace. You follow through on specifics (deadlines, promises) while staying flexible when adjustments are needed.

• You protect relationships by zooming out. You give people the benefit of the doubt without excusing hurtful patterns.

• You celebrate progress in both ways. You appreciate small, specific wins and honor the big-picture journey.

• You feel steady. Details inform you, but they don’t control you. Perspective guides you, but it doesn’t detach you.

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Living “just right” means using both lenses. The specific helps you grow, plan, and follow through. The general helps you trust, breathe, and keep perspective. Together, they create balance.

Think of it like zooming a camera lens in and out. Too close or too far, and the picture gets blurry. Just right, and life comes into focus.

The Balance Lens Exercise

Like a camera lens, your perspective can zoom in or zoom out. Too zoomed in, and everything feels personal, overwhelming, and sharp. Too zoomed out, and you miss the details that matter. The Balance Lens helps you practice finding the “just right” perspective—where awareness meets peace.

Step 1: Notice Where You Are

• Think of a recent situation that felt uncomfortable or stressful.

• Ask yourself: Am I stuck in the specific or floating too general?

  • Too Specific: Am I nitpicking words, replaying details, or creating stories?

  • Too General: Am I brushing this off, ignoring details, or avoiding clarity?

Step 2: Shift the Lens

• If you’re too specific, pause and zoom out. Ask: What’s the bigger picture here? How much will this matter a week, a month, or a year from now?

• If you’re too general, zoom in. Ask: What detail here needs my attention? What fact or boundary am I overlooking?

Step 3: Find “Just Right”

• Balance comes when you honor both the detail and the perspective.

  • Example: Instead of replaying what someone said word-for-word, you note the overall tone and clarify if needed.

  • Example: Instead of dismissing a missed deadline with “it’s fine,” you kindly hold accountability while staying flexible.

Step 4: Anchor It

• Write down one takeaway: What did I learn about myself in this moment of shifting lenses?

• Keep a short “Balance Lens Journal” for a week and notice patterns.

Peace and success aren’t about ignoring the details or drowning in them. They’re about adjusting your lens until life comes into focus. Peace often comes from perspective. The more you practice stepping back into the general, the less power the specific has to steal your joy.