5 Things You Might Be Doing That Quietly Drain Your Joy

By Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino

Joy isn’t always stolen in loud, obvious ways. Sometimes it disappears so quietly we barely notice. It doesn’t shout as it leaves—it slips through the cracks of our daily routines, slowly dimming our light until we wonder why everything feels just a little heavier, harder, or more hollow.

I’ve had seasons in my life where I couldn’t quite put my finger on what felt “off.” Everything looked fine on the outside—but I was exhausted inside. What I came to realize is that joy isn’t just a feeling. It’s an energy—one that needs space, attention, and boundaries to thrive.

If you’ve been feeling disconnected from your own joy, it might not be because something huge has gone wrong. Sometimes, the issue is subtle. These are five things I’ve noticed in myself and in the people I coach that quietly but consistently drain our joy—and how we can shift them, gently and intentionally.

1. Overconsuming the Noise (Even the “Important” Stuff)

We live in an age of constant updates. The news cycle never ends. Social media scrolls endlessly. And because we care—deeply—we often find ourselves absorbing far more than our minds and hearts were ever meant to hold.

Staying informed is important. But being constantly plugged in isn’t sustainable. When we consume too much negativity, especially without processing or taking breaks, it leads to emotional fatigue, helplessness, and compassion burnout.

Try This:

Set intentional boundaries.

• Give yourself specific “news windows” each day—times when you check in and then check out.

• Balance the heaviness with uplifting content: read stories of resilience, acts of kindness, and everyday miracles.

• Ask yourself, “Is this helping me contribute in a meaningful way? Or is this just overwhelming me?”

Protecting your peace is not avoiding reality—it’s creating the capacity to meet it with strength.

2. Saying Yes When You Mean No

How often do you agree to things while your body whispers please don’t? How many times have you said “yes” out of guilt, obligation, or fear of disappointing someone?

People-pleasing may offer temporary approval—but it costs us long-term joy. Every time you override your own truth to make others comfortable, you chip away at your inner clarity and connection.

Try This:

Start practicing honest boundaries in small, safe places.

• Say “Let me get back to you” instead of an automatic yes.

• Notice how your body reacts to certain requests—is there tension or lightness?

• Ask yourself, “If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?”

Reclaiming your “no” is often how you rediscover your most powerful “yes.”

3. Comparing Yourself to Everyone, Everywhere

Comparison is a thief dressed in designer clothes. It sneaks in through highlight reels and curated success stories. It convinces us that everyone else is ahead, happier, more successful, more balanced, more everything.

But here’s the truth: joy cannot survive in a heart that’s constantly measuring itself against others. The more you compare, the less room you give yourself to celebrate your own timeline, your own growth, and your own worth.

Try This:

Start a “joy mirror” practice. Each day, reflect on:

• One thing you’re proud of

• One thing you’ve overcome

• One thing you’re learning

• One thing you’re creating

And when comparison shows up, gently remind yourself: You’re not behind. You’re becoming.

4. Trying to Fix What Isn’t Yours to Fix

If you’re someone who cares deeply, chances are you’ve made it your job (consciously or unconsciously) to ease the pain of others. You might jump in to fix, rescue, or resolve—even when no one asked you to. This can come from love, but it can also come from a fear of discomfort, conflict, or helplessness.

Here’s the thing: carrying emotional loads that aren’t yours doesn’t make you noble—it makes you drained. And when you're drained, there's no room left for joy to breathe.

Try This:

Practice discernment.

• When someone shares a problem, ask: “Do you want me to listen or help?”

• Pause before jumping in. Breathe. Ask, “Is this mine to fix or simply witness?”

• Create a mantra that helps you release what’s not yours: “I can care deeply without carrying it all.”

Joy thrives when we create space for it—not when we carry everything in its place.

5. Neglecting What Nourishes You

In the rush of daily life—emails, errands, caregiving, bills—it’s easy to put our joy on the back burner. We tell ourselves we’ll read later, paint later, walk later, rest later. But later often never comes.

The truth is: joy isn’t a luxury. It’s essential. And the things that nourish you—creativity, nature, laughter, movement, rest—are not extra. They’re what allow you to keep going without losing yourself.

Try This:

Make a list of what genuinely nourishes your spirit.

• Reading in sunlight

• Music that makes you dance

• A phone call with a trusted friend

• Baking, writing, gardening, meditating

• Sitting outside doing absolutely nothing

Then, here’s the key, schedule it like you would a meeting. Even 10 minutes a day can change the way you feel.

💫 Bonus Reflection: The Joy Audit

If you're not sure where your joy is going, try this mini exercise:

1. Grab a sheet of paper and draw two columns.

Label one "What drains me?" and the other "What fills me?"

2. Without overthinking, list everything you do in a typical week.

Notice where the imbalances are. Are your “drains” outweighing your “fills”?

3. Choose one thing to shift this week.

Not five. Just one. Reclaiming joy is a process of small, intentional choices.

Joy isn’t a destination. It’s a rhythm. It’s a series of gentle choices that pull you back toward what matters—what’s true, what’s beautiful, what’s yours.

And yes, life will still be noisy. The world will still be chaotic. But you don’t have to be.

Your joy deserves to be protected, nurtured, and honored.

Not someday.

Today.

Which of these habits have you noticed in your own life?

Share your reflections with us @BestEverYou or use the hashtag #BestEverJoy—we’d love to hear how you’re reclaiming your light.