Harness Your PromisePower: A Conversation with Matthew Cossolotto on Commitment, Purpose, and Lasting Change
- Best Ever You
- May 3
- 15 min read
There are moments in life when everything changes—not because of a plan, a goal, or even a breakthrough idea…but because of a promise. A promise we make in a moment that matters. A promise that carries weight, emotion, and meaning far beyond words. The kind of promise that quietly reshapes the direction of our lives.
In this powerful and deeply personal conversation, Best Ever You's Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino and Dr. Katie Eastman sit down with Matthew Cossolotto to explore the life-changing concept at the heart of his work: the true power of making and keeping a promise.
Matthew’s journey was shaped by one defining moment—a promise he made to his dying mother. That promise didn’t just lead to the completion of a book. It launched a mission, a message, and a lifelong commitment to helping others harness what he calls “PromisePower.”
We recently had the opportunity to spend over an hour together on The Best Ever You Show, where Matthew shared his story, his insights, and the deeper meaning behind his work. It’s a rich, thoughtful conversation you can both listen to and watch, and I highly recommend experiencing it in full.
Audio Only:
This written Q&A highlights some of the most powerful ideas from that discussion—giving you a closer look at how promises can shape your purpose, strengthen your integrity, and create lasting, meaningful change.
Because sometimes, success isn’t about doing more.
It’s about deciding and following through.
Matthew, your book Harness Your PromisePower centers on a powerful idea—what inspired you to write this book, and what does “PromisePower” mean to you?
Here’s the shortest possible answer I can think of: I read the dedication I wrote to my mother’s memory in my first self-help book called HabitForce! That dedication reads, paraphrasing slightly: “I did it, mom. Finally! … This book would never have been completed had I not made that promise to you before you passed away. This vividly demonstrates the power of making a promise, especially to your mother.”
Well, I read the dedication a few years after HabitForce! was published and I was floored. “The power of making a promise” – those words jumped off the page. They literally took my breath away. I thought to myself: Wow! What a powerful idea. I wonder if anybody has ever written a book about this. Has anybody ever collected promise inspiring stories? My mind was racing. Is the power of making a promise actually a “thing?”
So, I set out to explore this idea, and I soon came across a few promise stories in the media. Some books had been published with variations of the word “Promise” in the title.
One of the first promise stories I came across was Oprah Winfrey’s promise to Nelson Mandela. I write about that promise in Harness Your PromisePower. Oprah’s answer to a question from CNN sums up the message of my book in just a few words. She was asked about cost overruns and delays in constructing an academy for underprivileged girls in South Africa that she promised Mandela that she would build. The question posed was something along the lines of – Why are you doing this, with all of these headaches and expenses? Something like that. Oprah’s response was: “I made a promise to Nelson Mandela, and I intend to keep it.”
Her determination to keep that promise, despite the cost overruns and delays, mirrored my own experience with the promise I made to my mother. I made her that promise, and I intended to keep it. That’s the power of making a promise in a nutshell. As John Assaraf said in an interview for my book: “We are neurologically wired to keep our promises.” John also said: “There is something uniquely powerful about making a promise.”
You share a deeply personal story about a promise you made to your mother. Can you tell us about that moment and how it shaped the course of your life?
There’s a long backstory that led up to the promise. It’s all about my failure to launch Comedy TV way back in the late 1980s. I’ve written and talked about that disappointing episode quite a bit. Briefly stated, for several years I was haunted by my failure to follow through on the Comedy TV idea. I went through a period of intense self-reflection and self-discovery. I kept coming back to a nagging question: Why do some people succeed and others fail? I read up on the subject, and not surprisingly my research led me to the work of such well-known self-help and spiritual gurus as Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, Napoleon Hill, Og Mandino, Norman Vincent Peale, Jim Rohn, William James, Brian Tracy, Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, and Deepak Chopra, among others.
A book by Stephen Covey – The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – stood out in a crowded field. That book was a gamechanger. I remember thinking -- If there are seven habits of highly effective people, maybe there are seven habits of highly ineffective people. Let’s face it, most people probably fall into the latter category, right? I was thinking about the kind of habits that hold people back and prevent them from achieving their goals and dreams. So, I wondered if perhaps some combination of these disempowering habits had contributed to my failure to launch Comedy TV.
I soon began to think about what I would call those seven ineffective habits and I was hit by an epiphany. The word “failure” has seven letters. Maybe these could be called “failure” habits. Or perhaps “failure” traps. Then another epiphany it me almost immediately. The word “success” also has seven letters. What a strange coincidence, I thought. These two powerful words in our culture both contain seven letters. This discovery intrigued me quite a bit. I thought: I wonder if I could come up with two side-by-side acronyms for the words FAILURE and SUCCESS.
That’s essentially how the idea of my book HabitForce! started out. I began to develop these two acronyms. For every habit of FAILURE, I envisioned an equal but opposite habit of SUCCESS. A book containing this clever structure, I reasoned, would help readers more easily remember these habits and thereby facilitate the transformative power of the book.
As the months passed, I had not made much progress in pulling these ideas together, despite frequent friendly reminders from my mother that I should knuckle down and finish writing the book. Eventually, after mom was diagnosed with cancer, I made fateful decision on the spur of the moment. I would make a solemn promise to her that I would write the book and dedicate it to her memory.
The scene is indelibly etched in my memory. Sitting beside the bed in her dimly lit room, I searched for the right words. Holding her frail hand gently, I said, “Mom, you remember that book idea you like so much, the one about the habits of failure and success?”
“Yes,” she nodded.
“Well,” I said, “I want to make you a promise. I promise to finish writing the book… and dedicate it to your memory.”
Choking up with emotion, I could barely get the words out. I had uttered those two magic words: I Promise. I watched her face intently, to make sure my words had registered. There was a long silence – I remember hearing the rushing sounds of the nearby Smith River – and then I noticed Mom was blinking back tears. I’ll never forget the look on my mother’s face. Her eyes lit up and she smiled brightly, despite the terrible pain she was in. And somehow, fighting through fatigue and weariness, she raised her hand and wagged an index finger in my direction.
“You do that, Matthew!” she said, her face an expression of steely determination. “You do that!” she repeated and then whispered: “This makes me very happy.”
We both fought back tears. We were acutely aware that she would not live long enough to see the book published or read my dedication to her. I knew right away that failure was not an option. I’m proud to say I kept that promise. And doing so helped me find my voice and my true purpose in life.
It’s a curious thing. What began as an exercise in self-reflection after the Comedy TV debacle had evolved into a life-changing mission, which has led to my trilogy of personal empowerment books, including my new book – Harness Your PromisePower – with Jack Canfield’s amazing foreword.
And that trilogy forms the foundation of my Personal Empowerment Programs (PEPTalks). So, if you ask me about the impact of the promise I made to my mother more than 25 years ago. It clearly was life-changing. It launched me onto my current path as a personal empowerment speaker and author.
Looking back over the years, I now realize that my mother knew something about me that I didn’t realize about myself. I think she saw me as someone who could and should write and speak about topics related to personal empowerment.
You’ve had a fascinating career as a speechwriter and communicator at the highest levels. How has your professional journey influenced the way you think about promises, integrity, and personal responsibility?
I think those three things – promises, integrity, and personal responsibility -- are interconnected. And I’ve seen leaders in lots of different settings who understood the importance of all three. I think about a quote I include in my PromisePower book. It’s from Brian Tracy, a bestselling author and leading training expert. Tracy writes: “Leaders know that honesty and integrity are the foundations of leadership. Leaders keep their promises.” That pretty much says it all. When I think about the public servant I feel best exemplifies these values, I think about my former boss, Congressman Leon Panetta. He also served with distinction as Defense Secretary and CIA Director, among other senior-level positions. I think of Leon as one of the great public servants in large part because he understands the importance of keeping promises, integrity, and personal responsibility.
In your book, you suggest that promises can be more powerful than goals or resolutions. Why do you believe promises create deeper and more lasting change?
There are several reasons. For starters, I believe most of us learned from childhood that there is something uniquely powerful about promises. This seems to be ingrained in most of us from an early age. I recall making promises as a kid and sealing the promise with this familiar rhyme: “Cross my heart. Hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye.” That’s a serious promise! On pain of death and needles in your eye. So, we learned early in life to take promises seriously. That’s one thing. Another is that promises come from the heart. Goals and resolutions and intentions – those tend to be brain-centric. They’re more cerebral. A promise has emotional weight behind it.
Jack Canfield begins his foreword to my book with these powerful words: “A promise is a promise.” He goes on to say a few more words about this expression: “It’s been indelibly etched in my mind since childhood. It’s just one of those truisms. A fact of life. There are no ifs, ands or buts about promises. A promise is a promise. Period. End of story.”
You highlight promises made by well-known figures like Oprah Winfrey, LeBron James, and Jack Canfield. Can you share one or two examples that really stand out to you and why they’re so impactful?
Sure. Let’s take the LeBron James story. The basketball legend is famous for wearing an “I Promise” band on his wrist. The short story here is that this band is a constant reminder of his promise to contribute to, to uplift, the community where he was raised. Wearing that “I Promise” band as a constant reminder of the promise is a great way to keep the promise top of mind. I wear a rubber band on my wrist as a reminder of a few of my own promises. I also use the rubber band to “snap out” of negative or disempowering thoughts that occasionally creep into my head. Remember my tagline: Success is an inside job. So, a humble rubber band on your wrist is a handy reminder of your promises and goals and a great way to “snap out of it” when you find yourself feeling down or pessimistic.
Here’s another example of a life-changing promise, this one made by bestselling author and success coach, Brendon Burchard. He made a heartfelt promise to God after he was in a serious car accident. He calls this near-death experience as one of “Life’s Golden Tickets.” He was given a second chance. He recalls being trapped in the twisted wreckage for what seemed like hours and somehow pulling himself out through the broken windshield. At that moment, he looked down at his bloodied body and up to the heavens. Then he spoke these words to himself: “Oh, God. Thank you, thank you for the second chance. I promise I’ll earn it.” Brendon went on to write that he has been striving to keep that promise since he received his golden ticket.
For someone reading your book for the first time, what is one promise they could make to themselves today that would begin to shift their life in a meaningful way?
Promises are, first and foremost, personal. So, if I suggest a promise to someone else, I’d want to make sure the other person “owns” the promise. That said, I have urged people to make a few promises, such as promising to strengthen their public speaking skills. I regard public speaking as a key skill for boosting your career. It’s also an essential leadership skill. Leaders speak and followers listen. I also think of public speaking as a critical personal empowerment tool. Not too many people think about public speaking that way, but I do and have for a very long time. My thinking is that if people are afraid of public speaking, they will tend to shy away from it. And that means they will fall short of their potential. Roughly 75% of the population suffers from some degree of anxiety, trepidation or outright stage fright. The percentage is probably higher than that. One of my passions is to help people make the shift from stage fright to stage delight. My Triad Empowerment System includes three key “power tools:” Habits, Speaking, and Promises.
A bit more generally, I always urge people to turn important goals into heartfelt promises. That’s why I say a promise is like a goal on steroids. This is basically what’s behind my G.P.S. Success Formula: Turn Goals into Promises = Success.
In the book, I present a collection of 30 personal empowerment promises. This is my “A Promise a Day” program. Thirty days to a promising future. Each day for 30 days, I suggest a promise for people to make to themselves. Here’s one example: “I Promise to follow the Golden Rule and always treat others as I want to be treated myself.” That one promise, made by millions or billions of people around the world, would make a big difference toward creating a more peaceful world. Another example: “I Promise to be the change I want to see in the world.” That quote is often attributed to Mahatma Gandhi, but there is some doubt about whether he said those words. I still like the quote. If you turn that very powerful idea into a promise, I think it becomes much more powerful.
Many people struggle with following through. What makes a promise different from a goal when it comes to actually keeping it?
We’ve already seen how promises are uniquely powerful compared with goals or resolutions. Because of the heart or emotion factor. There’s also the case of making a promise to someone you care about, as I did with the promise to my mother or Oprah did with her promise to Nelson Mandela. You don’t want to disappoint the other person. And in many ways the person you make the promise to becomes a kind of accountability buddy. Because it’s someone you feel a strong connection to that can help with your follow through. A promise to God or some other deity can serve a similar purpose. Most people are understandably reluctant to break a promise to a supernatural being.
I write about seven tips for making and keeping promises in the book. For instance, you should be selective about the promises you make. Don’t overpromise. Make sure you feel certain you’ll be able to follow through and keep your word. You should also commit emotionally. Your emotional attachment to the promise will help you stick with it, even during hard times. Another powerful tip is to share your promise with others. Don’t keep it a secret. It might be a promise you make to yourself, but it could help your follow through to make the promise public – on social media, for example. Writing it down also helps.
Your work emphasizes that success is an inside job. How do promises help people align with their values, purpose, and long-term vision?
What goes on between your ears – your habitual thoughts – will determine your destiny. Earl Nightengale said it well: “We become what we think about.” Promises have a way of clarifying your thoughts. Once you make a promise, you’re locked in. You can change a goal. You can abandon or ignore a resolution. But you can only break a promise. That’s why I think of PromisePower as the new frontier in personal change and achievement. It’s an old-fashioned virtue, but as a personal empowerment tool I think of PromisePower as something new.
Promises tend to bring out the best in people – as so many examples of powerful promise stories in my book demonstrate so vividly. One inspiring story comes to mind. A substitute teacher named Oral Lee Brown made a life-changing promise to a classroom of students in Oakland, California. She promised something like 23 young students that she would pay for all of them to go to college if they stayed in school and kept their grades up. A truly remarkable promise considering Oral Lee had no idea how she was going to pay for all the students to go to college. The promise propelled her to find a way. She started the Oral Lee Brown Foundation and raised money for those kids. A promise like that goes a long way toward helping people align with their values, purpose, and long-term vision.
If you could leave our readers with one message about the power of promises and the impact they can have on their lives, what would it be?
I’ll say it again because it’s very powerful advice: Turn an important goal into a heartfelt promise and you’re much more likely to succeed. A promise is like a goal on steroids. I think of harnessing your PromisePower as a kind of personal empowerment jujitsu. It’s a way of tapping into this amazing superpower that we all have access to.
At Best Ever You, we talk about aligning your heart, truth, and energy to create success in all areas of life. How do promises help people live in that kind of alignment?
Although the words are slightly different, Jack Canfield shares some important observations about this in his foreword. He writes about a promise as a personal empowerment “twofer.” It combines the Law of Intention with the Law of Attraction. And he calls this a powerful combination indeed. I’ll quote Jack now because he states the case so convincingly: “With a promise you state intention clearly and categorically, while your emotional connection to that promise sets the Law of Attraction in motion toward fulfilling that promise. A promise gets the ball rolling in a positive direction and keeps the ball rolling.”
Jack then discusses what he calls the “holy trinity” of personal achievement: Purpose, Passion and Promise. I invite your readers to dig more deeply into Jack Canfield’s foreword because it truly sheds enormous light on many of these topics related to personal empowerment and goal achievement.
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What Matthew reminds us of is something both simple and profound.
We don’t need more goals. We need more commitment.
In a world filled with intentions, resolutions, and ideas that come and go, a promise stands apart. It asks something more of us. It calls us to show up differently—not just once, but consistently.
And maybe that’s why it works.
Because a promise doesn’t live in your head.
It lives in your heart.
It holds you accountable not just to what you want, but to who you are becoming.
Pause. Breathe. Choose to think about one thing that truly matters to you.
Now ask yourself:
What would change if you turned that into a promise?
Not someday. Not when you’re ready.
Now.
Because the most meaningful transformation doesn’t come from thinking about change. It comes from committing to it.
And when you align your actions with your word, something powerful happens.
You begin to trust yourself.
You begin to follow through.
You begin to become the person you were meant to be.
And when you grow, the world grows with you.
About Matthew Cossolotto
Matthew Cossolotto's personal empowerment trilogy includes the award-winning The Joy of Public Speaking, published in 2021; Harness Your PromisePower; and the upcoming Harness Your HabitForce, which highlights the seven habits of FAILURE and the equal-but-opposite habits of SUCCESS. He also offers a lineup of Personal Empowerment Programs (PEPTalks) that are animated by a core concept: Success is an inside job. Cossolotto's speechwriting career spans the corridors of power and influence on both sides of the Atlantic. He has worked as a speechwriter for top officials at NATO headquarters in Brussels, the Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, the Chancellor of UCLA, senior executives of several Fortune 100 corporations, and as a legislative aide to former Congressman Leon Panetta. For more information, please visit www.MatthewCossolotto.com.
About Harness Your PromisePower
Twenty-five years ago, author Matthew Cossolotto made a promise to his dying mother. This book is rooted in that make-or-break promise. Matthew’s from-the-heart commitment propelled him on his current path as an author, speaker, and coach. His mission: to share the power of making a promise with millions of people around the world.
In his foreword to this book, Jack Canfield reflects on a defining promise he made at age 27. He credits this promise with helping shape his sense of purpose and long-term success. “Perhaps after reading this book and learning more about the power of making a promise,” Canfield writes, “more people will take advantage of this amazing, irresistible force for positive change.”
Get ready to learn about:
Uplifting promises made by real people, including luminaries such as Oprah Winfrey, Tony Robbins, Lisa Nichols, Doris Kearns Goodwin, and basketball legend LeBron James.
Practical advice and step-by-step pointers, including seven tips for making and keeping promises.
The G.P.S. Success Formula: From Goals to Promises = Success.
A Promise-a-Day Calendar: 30 Days to a Promising Future.
A proposal for Make-a-Promise-Day on May 4th, an annual “holiday” dedicated to personal empowerment, goal achievement, and integrity enhancement.
And much more. We promise!
Matthew's Personal Empowerment Trilogy
Harness Your PromisePower is the second book in Matthew's personal empowerment trilogy. His award-winning The Joy of Public Speaking was published in 2021. Harness Your HabitForce -- about the seven habits of SUCCESS and FAILURE -- will be published in the coming months. Matthew also offers a lineup of speaking programs and workshops based on these empowering books.
About Best Ever You
Best Ever You is a globally recognized personal development platform founded by Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino. Since 2008, it has reached millions worldwide with trusted, practical guidance on navigating change, redefining success, and creating a life aligned with purpose, clarity, and resilience.
Through bestselling books, expert interviews, coaching, and The Best Ever You Show, Best Ever You delivers real-world tools that help people move beyond overwhelm and into meaningful, lasting transformation. The platform is known for bridging insight with action—turning personal growth into something you can actually live, not just learn. At its core is a powerful truth: you don’t need to fix yourself—you need to align yourself.
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